Victim

Is it too hard to swallow

That you will only follow

The sad path you've chosen

While your heart is still frozen

How do you sleep at night

Without knowing what it means

To feel compassion

To feel it without question?

If you can't look past yourself

How can you see what's left

You're standing on the rubble

Caused by your inner struggle

You push away outstretched hands

But it's attention you demand

No one is as lonely as you

No one is as damaged as you

In your twisted mind

You're becoming your favorite character

,Interrupted

You like to play

In time

There'll be nothing left of you

But the pain caused by you

Well, can you see

Why all the hostility?

Of course you can't

Because you play the victim 

The damned

To hell with your opression

And my faulting disscretion

My resign.

My apologies all ignored

Or at least not accepted in full
Prove to me that you matter
And you aren’t just a self-centered tool
Your world is spiraling down
But you won't let me near you to help
You, my dear aren’t the only one
Who is living the occasional Hell
I don’t take too kindly to lies
Or the empty promises and truths
I’ve asked you again and again
To show me what I mean to you
 If I could heal the scars, I would
Faster that you’d dare to believe
But when I feel us getting close
I feel you starting to leave
You say your life is a wreck
And you can’t handle me right now
Do you not think of how I’m affected?
How you keep knocking me to the ground?
Instead of accepting my help
You keep pushing me farther away
Is that all that I mean to you?
 Just some guy that wont go away?
I’d kiss every tear that falls
 But I’d have to get you to talk to me first
I’d hold you until morning calls
If you’d try to forget the worst
You know that I’m here for you always
You know that I have always been
But the effort on your part
Is quite minimal, though you haven’t seen
I guess I’m simply not the one
Though I’ve tried numerous times
I guess I should simply step back

I suppose this is my resign. 

My Window

I’ve let my window open
So you could crawl inside
But I’ve been waiting too long
I’m cold
And you know why
Too much I’ve tried to trust
Too little I have gained
If it’s not too much to ask
Could you please explain?
The smile that I have harbored
The “yes dears” and “you’re right”
Have derailed my own reflection
And pushed me from the light
It seems that The Quiet One
This role I’ve tried to play
Is something I won’t do
I can’t live my life that way
I’m stronger than you think
Much stronger than I’ve shown
You never even noticed
The seeds that have been sewn
But spring is finally here now
And growth is in full bloom
The flowers I am growing
Some thanks is owed to you
My window is still open
But no longer for you
The air still brings chills
But it’s something I’m used to

Waiting for a response...

How many steps have been taken?
How many bricks have been laid?
How many promises broken?
How many beds left unmade?
Now have I gone too far?
Have I crossed a line?
I don't know who you are
I can't see what's inside your mind
I'm sorry for my blunt honesty
Games aren't my forte
Please don't cower and run away from me
There is so much for you to say
I can't help thinking of the possibilities
Of all of the things that could be
But my doubts sabotage my securities
And I'm sure you want no part of me
I don't expect a lifetime of bliss
But I don't know what more I can do with this
With what little I've been given
I've grown tired of empty words and suggestions
If you need me
I'll be the one with all of the questions

The Gift

Sweet young boy
Age of 16
Trying to fit in this crazy scene
Bottles it up and keeps it inside
Covers the scars from all the lies
Daddy’s good girl
She’ll fake a smile
Better than you’ve seen in some time
The music she plays
Will help her escape
All of the noise drowns out the hate

There’s nothing to fear
It gets better with time
Just breathe and dry your eyes
You’ve got so much to lose
And nothing to show
You’ll find peace and I should know

He is the star of the football team
She is the homecoming queen
The artistic one
The chameleon
They just want to be someone
What the others can’t see
The cries and the pleas
Will it be too late to find release?

There’s nothing to fear
It gets better with time
Just breathe and dry your eyes
You’ve got so much to lose
And nothing to show
You’ll find peace and I should know

Why can’t you hear them
Screaming inside?
You can’t make it better after they die
Sort them out
Go to the source
I can’t bare to hear this anymore
When will it end?
How can we pretend?
How far does it have to go?

Another name
Is added to the list
The whole world is in shock of it
Another young boy
Another young girl
Couldn’t take this crazy world
Who is too blame?
The kids in the yard?
Or the parents?
Where does it start?
How does it end?
Can we comprehend
The weight of everything?

There’s nothing to fear
It gets better in time
Just breathe and dry your eyes
You’ve got so much to lose
And nothing to show
You’ll find peace and I should know
So stand tall
Life is a gift
Show what you can give
Reach for the stars
Conquer them all
You may fly and you may fall
But it’s life
This is life
And it’s your life after all

Game Piece

Sometimes I wish you could see me now
And be in awe and guilt stricken for treating me the way you did
But I know in the end you would deny it all
It’s your accomplishment that make you most proud
How many trophies are on your shelf?
They’ve been tarnished by you, I’m sure
It was my innocence and lack of confidence that was your kryptonite
But you weren’t expecting my despise of games
And having me call you on your shit
Did you ever stop running when you fled the scene?
Was that your tail between your legs or your next reward
For being such a damaged little boy?
My eyes kept rolling at the the sound of your sad stories
My darling, self-pity at its best
If you were to approach me now
I’d like to give you an earful
Though I know you’d resist and play the victim
I’m ready to let this go
These passing years have proven a challenge
Though I think of you often
I’ve never tried to reach you though
Just understanding
That’s all I’m asking
Just for you to come clean
That little boy who needed love
Who was naive enough for your tricks
Became scorned and sought revenge
But now anger has subsided
And if I’m being honest
When I think of the first night
With the sky and that song you loved
I realize “32…” was an understatement
There were many more to the entanglement
You likely will never read this
Or the others I’ve written
But since I haven’t heard words I’ve longed to hear
These words are my only bit of closure

Humiliation

Why does it still get the best of me?
Why does it still sting so much?
I would never let you see how each word you sent
Shot through me and left me for dead
I’d never let you know how much I truly cared
Since you knew it all too well, anyway
Every other day I am over you
Every other day I am moving on
My stomach, no longer churning
My voice, not a child’s
My feet, firm where they stand

Confusion still clouds my mind
Dumbfounded and raw
Where was the change?
The turning of tables?
Why was I so blind?

Was it something I said that turned you against me?
I thought we were bigger than that
Why did you suddenly start to hate me?
Why did you do that to my head?

If I were to see you after these few months
I can honestly say, I don’t know what I would do
Would I be paralyzed simply by your presence?
Would I attack with full rage?

I’m humiliated at how this affects me at times.
I’m frustrated that you got the final word
How dare you come to such conclusions
It’s obvious you don’t know shit
How can you say what kind of person I am
When you wouldn’t let me show you my potential?

I hope things are well for you
I hope there are nights when insomnia drives you insane
I hope you have found happiness
I hope your words have caused you pain
I hope you have much luck
I hope you soon meet Karma

My Revelry

Let me out
I can't breathe
Listen close
I won't speak any softer
What's in it for me?
This pursuit has me shaking down to the core

My revelry
To your retreat
Avoiding what's obvious
My ambivalence
Your persistence of physical happiness
My longing for peace
Your content with unstable qualities

What will it take to be free?
How would you respond if someone called you out on
Your selfishness?
Your narrow mindedness
I won't let it be me
Let it be someone that you truly adore

Let me ask one more time
How would you feel if left behind?
I'm on my way out
These walls are caving in

One plane trip or car ride and I start again

You cannot come along
You cannot assume that you are welcome
I'll do it on my own
Fear-ridden and determined
Full armor on

I won't deny that you've helped
You've made it so much easiser to turn my back
I might write you some day
I might come back to visit but don't hold your-
Just hold your breath and wait

How much louder
Do I have to scream?
Do I make you nervous?
Will I cause a scene?

Mr. Curiosity

Hey there Mr. Curiosity
I heard you killed a cat
But the cat was me
I don't mean to get too close
I always try to be a friendly ghost
I couldn't help myself
You should have seen the way you looked
Those eyes and that smile
I tell you, you were something else
I thought I was fine, but I knew I fell
For months I've been on this road
Walking alone with no where to go
There were many passerby's
Filthy hitchhikers just looking for a ride
I didn't give many my time
But I thought I'd give it a try
Now under this cold night sky
I'm all twisted in knots and I think I know why
I promise to take things slow
But this guy's excited and trying not to show
You know how to make me smile
Truth is, I really dig your style
I wanna pull you near
I wanna kiss your lips
I wanna just be here
Forgive me for being so bold
But it's been some time
The night's long and cold
With the help of my beer
This poem isn't filtered and it's not too clear
But I wrote it all anyway
Big surprise, I have a lot to say
A lot for you to read
Mr. Curiosity

Diamond Ring

How many lashes do you give yourself?
How many trophies are on your shelf?
If I've got it all and you've got none
Then how are you having so much fun?
You say I think too highly of myself
But it's you
You worship you, yourself
You flaunt your sorrows like a diamond ring
Pick up the phone and start listening
Fill up your glass ten more times
Think of some more depressing rhymes
Take a sad picture
Post online
Start a discussion about your poor poor life
Maybe that helps you sleep at night
Don't let me stop you, it's your own right
You flaunt your sorrows like a diamond ring
Shut the hell up and try listening.

Awaiting Metamorphosis

I can’t help but feel these four walls closing in
Once my sanctuary
Now only my prison
I can’t help but feel this air growing thick
Chocking on the tension that has hold a death grip
I was born restless
Always looking for ways out
With age, I’ve grown impatient
Being fed only by doubts
If I could hit the road now
I think sanity would be saved
But since I’m far from release
I’m preparing to finally cave
My best regards
To you and yours
I’ll be back someday
Carrying a newly lit torch
You can forget me if you need
When I at last return
I won’t be the same man you see
I've tried to be strong
I've played far too long
Don't be offended if I no longer give a fuck when you think I am wrong
I've been looking for your encouragement
But it has been all too clear
Your selfishness is more important
I have to soldier on
I have to keep chin up
When the day is to come
Don't dare ever ask why I left
Let's see how loud I can be silent
If your eardrums aren't already busted
Let's see how bright I can vanish
Before you proclaim I'm acting out
Good riddance and goodnight
This is long overdue
Years from now I might wonder what has become of you
And smile

A Journey

Blind Heart says,
"Take hold of me, lead me to the things I see.
Adventures past have frozen me still
The arrows ahead just shoot to kill.
Take me, lead me home."
A damaged soul knows all too well
The gold paved roads that lead to hell
And redemption is only
To dream too far
Put your lips to mine
Touch my face and open my eyes
Under the stormy sky
Let it fall on me
Troubled waters in the sea
Black Crow sings his melody
Is it possible not
To be filled with doubts?
In the night
Let yourself dream
Dream of things that could have been
And things that may
If you don't stay
Darkness soon invades your mind
Awaken
Screaming
You will find
The truth is more terrifying
Take my hand and take my heart
Together we stand
Through the dark
Never letting go
Waiting for dawn
The sun is rising in the sky
Now it seems our time to fly
Over the trees
And their fiery leaves
Please don't run
Don't walk too slow
Promise me you'll never go
Let this blind heart see
Let it plant it's seed
A damaged soul can always mend
If it finds peace in the end
But the journey is never
Soft and Sweet

Little Boy

I know a young man
Who tries to be wiser than his years
I know a little boy
Who takes comfort in his fears
But he doesn't know how transparent he is
And he doesn't know what letting go is

So he runs
And hides
And laughs
And cries
But you can only run for so long in your life
Let it out, go
Be free
Let it down
Talk to me

Sitting in a bar
Three drinks and filling up
Close enough to danger
Just close enough to touch
But he doesn't see the potentials in his way
And he spends all day waiting till he can fade to gray

So he can run
And hide
And laugh
And cry
But you can only run for so long in your life
Let it out, go
Be free
Let it down
Talk to me

Oh the poison that you take
The needles on your skin
The love that you crave
And the pity you swim in
Won't wash it away
Won't drown it away

But he runs
And hides
And laughs
And cries
And screams
And begs
And hurts
And wonders why
Let it out, go
Be free
Tear it down
Find release

I know a young man
Who tries to be wiser than his years
I know a little boy
Who takes comfort in his fears

Needed

You don't get to disengage
Without me questioning
And I don't get to place the blame
Without you giving reason
The worst in me is now brought out by your
Contradicting behavior
It seems too often, for your ego
I become the enabler
If you can't stand to be alone
I deserve to know my purpose
How can you tell me all of these things you feel
Then move right on to another?
I'm not your doctor of psychology
And I'm sure as hell not your mother
You can change your appearance
You can change your game
But you can't change the darkness inside you
We both crave attention
But in different ways
We both want to feel needed
But your immaturity
Your childish ways
Make me want to withold and deny it
You don't see how you've done wrong
Must I be the one to prove it?
Don't dare argue
Don't dare disagree
I've gained too much to lose it
Take the bottle
Take his hand
Take all you feel you deserve
I'll take the kiss
All the empty words
I'll write it down and deliver
The spot light is fading
I can ignore you
If need be
I'll forget you

Lights

All of the lights
Green
Yellow
Blue
Red
Keep flashing in my head
With every word said
Yes
No
Maybe
Keep burning me instead
But I'm running for more
Even though I'm not sure
If I really want to know
But I heard your excuse
Flase truths
Refuse
That you wanna take it slow
Now I'm in the dust, 'cause
I wasn't enough
But I'm better without you
I've got my bags packes
Tagged
Stacked
Racked
In the corner of my room
Ready to leave
Flee
Free
From all the blue
And the doom
No you won't miss me
Whenever I leave
You'll be bent over with a smile
But when I come back around
Town
Sound
Found
I'll be laughing all the while

Here

The cool wind is calling
The moon is high above the trees
Distant voices are laughing
Will you meet me at the end of the lane?
We'll lose ourselves in the woods
We'll dance around in the fields
Our throats will burn from the bottle
But there's nothing as warm as we feel
I held the flowers you picked for me
I twirled with them in my hair
We laughed as we fell to the ground
And held each other close
Without a sound
I wish this night to never end
When the sun rises again
It will be a memory for the years
I grabbed your hand
We raced up the hill
We looked down over the quiet town, still
We fell silent again, it was something you said
"How can we feel so alive in a city so dead?"
I leaned in and kissed your sweet lips
We held each other in the cold of the night
I drifted to sleep in your arms
Everything felt so right
I woke up to the sun shining bright
Alone in my bed, it was just as I feared
You were never here
Never here

Your Move

You
Narcissistic and beautiful
You
Masculine and shy
You
With your smile and your stories
You
And your exaggerated life
I
Wish I didn't care about you
I
Can't even explain
I
Have tried so hard not to crave you
I
Weary of the strain

Why do I fall for it every time?
Like a moth to a flame
Am I curious of the burn?
Or am I attracted to the pain?

You
So generous with teasing
Look but don't touch, never tell

Me
And my bipolar wantings
I need you tonight, go to hell

You
With your always inviting advances
Walk a fine line, never stray

Me
With my wildly flirtatious beckonings
Come hither my love and stay

Why do I yearn for your attention?
Why do I still give a damn?
If we ever act on our impulses
Would you still see me as I am?

Wrapped around your finger
As you can see
We've been playing this game for too long
King me or let me be

Cemetery Dance

Written November 2011


I laid in the cemetery all night
I waited for you by candle light
But I never told you I was there
I'd hoped you would follow me anywhere

I hope you don't mind but I think I
Might stay here a little bit longer
The cold ground so warm and inviting
When I wake, maybe I'll be stronger

Take my body in your arms
It's yours tonight
So do no harm
I can't see who you are
But your eyes burn out the stars

Sit with us in our circle
Sit with us as we chant
We are forever silent
We are forever damned

I waited for you by a tombstone
I sought comfort from the pain
It was my favorite memorial
On it was carved our names

Hold me up into the night sky
Let me fall down like your rain
Let your body be my shelter
And the ground will be our cage

I am dancing with your skeletons
I am laughing with your devils
I am bleeding in this silence
I am dying in this game

Hot embers on the ground
Mourning whispers of the dead
Tonight I lay down for you darling
Tongiht I die in your bed

I laid in the gutter all night
Gasping air before I drowned
You were standing right above me
But you never looked down

Fork in the Road

Written May 1, 2011




Sitting alone at a table
At a local hang out spot
Full of college kids who seem to know a lot
Coffee in my one hand
In the other, pen moving non stop
Cigarette smoke swirling
Like the foggy thoughts
I think of all the words from men
I can't help but question them
Words of infatuation spoken
Words of more than friends
Themes of entrapment
Jerking away from their hands
Many waters tested
Few proven too hot
Some seemed far too cold
Never given a thought
I think it's pretty safe to say
I've been the subject of many thoughts
Some thoughts of love, desire
Some thoughts of roll and rock
But when I turn the other way
Those thoughts just turn to rage
I promise I mean no harm
Just looking for the right arms
Maybe I'm meant to wander
Maybe I'm meant to find God
Maybe I'm meant to be a teacher
Maybe I'm meant to be not
Where should I follow the stars?
Maybe to California
See I've got some people there
I'll write in the sand
I'll take in the sunny air
Perhaps I'll go to Canada
Disappear for a while
I'll bury my demons
I'll give life new reasons
Or maybe somewhere on the east coast
I'll walk across the rocky shores
Up the lighthouses by the sea
Onto the boats that moor
Maybe in my travels
I could find someone to make me soar
Someone to drop me to my knees
Someone to shake me to my core
Few things are for certain
As I finish up these lines
I still don't truly know
Which of these paths is mine
And when I hit the open road
What will become of me?
Will I be a warrior?
What sights will I see?
And can I make it on my own?
Will I meet other fighters?
Will I find the answers?
Or am I meant to be alone?

The Beast

October 10, 2011


I'm not the purest soul
But I know I'm not the worst
With this mind of mine
Some might say that I am cursed
I've tried like hell to cast the devil out of sight
But with the night comes the yearning and fright
I need two arms to become my cage
I need someone just as lost and insane
I've begged the angels to surround me with light
But I end up dancing with the ghosts of my life
How dare you
With that sinister smile?
What's a boy to do when his mind has gone wild?
Oh the things I'd do and never think twice
I don't want a pound of flesh
Only a slice
I may be damned
I may be blessed
I may be far too gone
I may be temptations test
Lay down your shield
And I'll lay down my sword
Lay down your bones
I'll rattle them some more
I'm gonna let go
I'm gonna let it wash over me
I'm gonna be the beast I've tried so hard not to be
I won't hurt you
I'll just cut out your heart
Show it to you like it's my own art
Be the animal I know you can be
Release your demons and possess me
I'll invite them to make me their home
Then I know for sure
I'll never be alone
Tonight, when the beast starts to cry
If the blood must come
Please don't let me die