Victim

Is it too hard to swallow

That you will only follow

The sad path you've chosen

While your heart is still frozen

How do you sleep at night

Without knowing what it means

To feel compassion

To feel it without question?

If you can't look past yourself

How can you see what's left

You're standing on the rubble

Caused by your inner struggle

You push away outstretched hands

But it's attention you demand

No one is as lonely as you

No one is as damaged as you

In your twisted mind

You're becoming your favorite character

,Interrupted

You like to play

In time

There'll be nothing left of you

But the pain caused by you

Well, can you see

Why all the hostility?

Of course you can't

Because you play the victim 

The damned

To hell with your opression

And my faulting disscretion

My resign.

My apologies all ignored

Or at least not accepted in full
Prove to me that you matter
And you aren’t just a self-centered tool
Your world is spiraling down
But you won't let me near you to help
You, my dear aren’t the only one
Who is living the occasional Hell
I don’t take too kindly to lies
Or the empty promises and truths
I’ve asked you again and again
To show me what I mean to you
 If I could heal the scars, I would
Faster that you’d dare to believe
But when I feel us getting close
I feel you starting to leave
You say your life is a wreck
And you can’t handle me right now
Do you not think of how I’m affected?
How you keep knocking me to the ground?
Instead of accepting my help
You keep pushing me farther away
Is that all that I mean to you?
 Just some guy that wont go away?
I’d kiss every tear that falls
 But I’d have to get you to talk to me first
I’d hold you until morning calls
If you’d try to forget the worst
You know that I’m here for you always
You know that I have always been
But the effort on your part
Is quite minimal, though you haven’t seen
I guess I’m simply not the one
Though I’ve tried numerous times
I guess I should simply step back

I suppose this is my resign. 

My Window

I’ve let my window open
So you could crawl inside
But I’ve been waiting too long
I’m cold
And you know why
Too much I’ve tried to trust
Too little I have gained
If it’s not too much to ask
Could you please explain?
The smile that I have harbored
The “yes dears” and “you’re right”
Have derailed my own reflection
And pushed me from the light
It seems that The Quiet One
This role I’ve tried to play
Is something I won’t do
I can’t live my life that way
I’m stronger than you think
Much stronger than I’ve shown
You never even noticed
The seeds that have been sewn
But spring is finally here now
And growth is in full bloom
The flowers I am growing
Some thanks is owed to you
My window is still open
But no longer for you
The air still brings chills
But it’s something I’m used to

Waiting for a response...

How many steps have been taken?
How many bricks have been laid?
How many promises broken?
How many beds left unmade?
Now have I gone too far?
Have I crossed a line?
I don't know who you are
I can't see what's inside your mind
I'm sorry for my blunt honesty
Games aren't my forte
Please don't cower and run away from me
There is so much for you to say
I can't help thinking of the possibilities
Of all of the things that could be
But my doubts sabotage my securities
And I'm sure you want no part of me
I don't expect a lifetime of bliss
But I don't know what more I can do with this
With what little I've been given
I've grown tired of empty words and suggestions
If you need me
I'll be the one with all of the questions

The Gift

Sweet young boy
Age of 16
Trying to fit in this crazy scene
Bottles it up and keeps it inside
Covers the scars from all the lies
Daddy’s good girl
She’ll fake a smile
Better than you’ve seen in some time
The music she plays
Will help her escape
All of the noise drowns out the hate

There’s nothing to fear
It gets better with time
Just breathe and dry your eyes
You’ve got so much to lose
And nothing to show
You’ll find peace and I should know

He is the star of the football team
She is the homecoming queen
The artistic one
The chameleon
They just want to be someone
What the others can’t see
The cries and the pleas
Will it be too late to find release?

There’s nothing to fear
It gets better with time
Just breathe and dry your eyes
You’ve got so much to lose
And nothing to show
You’ll find peace and I should know

Why can’t you hear them
Screaming inside?
You can’t make it better after they die
Sort them out
Go to the source
I can’t bare to hear this anymore
When will it end?
How can we pretend?
How far does it have to go?

Another name
Is added to the list
The whole world is in shock of it
Another young boy
Another young girl
Couldn’t take this crazy world
Who is too blame?
The kids in the yard?
Or the parents?
Where does it start?
How does it end?
Can we comprehend
The weight of everything?

There’s nothing to fear
It gets better in time
Just breathe and dry your eyes
You’ve got so much to lose
And nothing to show
You’ll find peace and I should know
So stand tall
Life is a gift
Show what you can give
Reach for the stars
Conquer them all
You may fly and you may fall
But it’s life
This is life
And it’s your life after all

Game Piece

Sometimes I wish you could see me now
And be in awe and guilt stricken for treating me the way you did
But I know in the end you would deny it all
It’s your accomplishment that make you most proud
How many trophies are on your shelf?
They’ve been tarnished by you, I’m sure
It was my innocence and lack of confidence that was your kryptonite
But you weren’t expecting my despise of games
And having me call you on your shit
Did you ever stop running when you fled the scene?
Was that your tail between your legs or your next reward
For being such a damaged little boy?
My eyes kept rolling at the the sound of your sad stories
My darling, self-pity at its best
If you were to approach me now
I’d like to give you an earful
Though I know you’d resist and play the victim
I’m ready to let this go
These passing years have proven a challenge
Though I think of you often
I’ve never tried to reach you though
Just understanding
That’s all I’m asking
Just for you to come clean
That little boy who needed love
Who was naive enough for your tricks
Became scorned and sought revenge
But now anger has subsided
And if I’m being honest
When I think of the first night
With the sky and that song you loved
I realize “32…” was an understatement
There were many more to the entanglement
You likely will never read this
Or the others I’ve written
But since I haven’t heard words I’ve longed to hear
These words are my only bit of closure

Humiliation

Why does it still get the best of me?
Why does it still sting so much?
I would never let you see how each word you sent
Shot through me and left me for dead
I’d never let you know how much I truly cared
Since you knew it all too well, anyway
Every other day I am over you
Every other day I am moving on
My stomach, no longer churning
My voice, not a child’s
My feet, firm where they stand

Confusion still clouds my mind
Dumbfounded and raw
Where was the change?
The turning of tables?
Why was I so blind?

Was it something I said that turned you against me?
I thought we were bigger than that
Why did you suddenly start to hate me?
Why did you do that to my head?

If I were to see you after these few months
I can honestly say, I don’t know what I would do
Would I be paralyzed simply by your presence?
Would I attack with full rage?

I’m humiliated at how this affects me at times.
I’m frustrated that you got the final word
How dare you come to such conclusions
It’s obvious you don’t know shit
How can you say what kind of person I am
When you wouldn’t let me show you my potential?

I hope things are well for you
I hope there are nights when insomnia drives you insane
I hope you have found happiness
I hope your words have caused you pain
I hope you have much luck
I hope you soon meet Karma